Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
