Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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