You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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