She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize