non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
