I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
