i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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