He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
