i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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