Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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