I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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