Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
