I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
