It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
