our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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