I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
