3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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