Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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