I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
