I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
