why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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