im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
