I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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