she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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