I want to have your abortion
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
