oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
