unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
