Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize