I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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