mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
