dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And then he peed in my hair
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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