Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
