I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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