Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
