I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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