I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
