I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
