i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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