everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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