Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
