This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
