Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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