Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
