My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
