Cold hands, warm shart.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
