So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
