how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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