Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
