everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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