I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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