well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
