areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
