I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
