she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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