I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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