called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
