The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize