listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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