Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BRING THE BAGELS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
