When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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