have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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