Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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