I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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