If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
