Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my poor anus
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize