I think my fart just growled at me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
im on a boat
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