Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
