I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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