Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
